Monday, August 30, 2010

Lady in Red. . . .

I don't usually voice goals because I tend to jinx myself into failure when I do. Especially when it comes to weight loss. But I'm voicing this one because I need everyone's help.

I started a diet and exercise program of my own back in May. In the 4 months, I've lost almost a complete 30 pounds. For me, being a girl who has literally tried everything she can afford both financially and physically, this is a huge deal. The last time I lost this much weight at once, I was pregnant with my youngest daughter and only able to eat for about 1 min at 3:30 in the afternoon. (Don't ask me why 3:30 pm was the time, but it was. I'd down a yogurt in one gulp and that's all I could stomach. Any more than that and it wasn't going to stay down.) So I began running and eating a protein and vegetable rich diet filled with only water to drink and practically little to no carbs. And after a small adjustment, my body took off and began to transform like crazy. Now nothing fits -in a good way. However, I've hit a plateau. And it's mainly because I've let myself become lax on my routine.

This brings me to my goal: On Saturday Oct. 23rd I'm performing in and attending a gala for the theatre I volunteer/work at. It's somewhat a formal event and I'd love to wear something that would make a date proud to be with me. Not to mention to get a few heads to turn my way. In a nutshell, I WANNA BE A KNOCKOUT! So I've set a realistic goal for myself. I'm going to lose 20 more pounds by then and get below the the big, Pass GO Collect 200lbs mark, wear a dress that I've never been able to pull off before, adorn some red lips, and arrive with a date who can't take his eyes off of me. (Not too ambitious am I?) Now this is where you come in. . . . I can get discouraged quickly and the man downstairs knows this, so I'm asking you to get on my case before he does. I'm sending out a request for you to ask me how my diet's doing and what was my last time on my running. And tell me, "For heaven's sake, put down the milk shake!" I basically need you to pull for me.

Last year at this time, I was at the lowest point I have ever reached in my existence. Since then, I have climbed mountains I never dreamed of seeing the bottom of. And I owe it all to my Heavenly Father. My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has made this transformation possible. So possible in fact that I cannot fathom the person I used to be and she haunts my dreams. I only want to go forward. I do not want to turn back and become consumed with my past. I have overcome many heart wrenching events over the past few years. And because of that fire, I have become refined. I am happier now than I have ever been in my entire life. And as vain or selfish as this may sound, I want more. I want a noble husband who can take me to the House of the Lord and hold my hands for eternity. And I feel that my body is not attracting him as quickly as I'd like. Because let's face it, Men are Visual, and I'm not much to look at right now. But in two months, I will be a vision in red. And I pray that he will finally find me and see me for all of my beauty.

I thank those of you who act upon my plea, in advance for your support. You have no idea what it will do for me. THANK YOU!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Livin' in Blue Jeans Babe. . .

Saturday Morning
7:00 am : The alarm wakes me with another Katy Perry song. A good enough song to sing to, but annoying enough for me to get out of bed and shut it off.

7:30 am: Kids are all dressed and in the car. And we're off to the sitters. My breakfast was mini wheats and fruit. My stomach too nervous to eat much of anything else.

8:00 am: I arrive at Sugar House Park and guided by a negative number of signs, I finally find where I belong. I get out of my car and find my sister in line for registration. IHC Heart Institute 5k/1 mile run. I was attempting to do the 5k.

8:25 am: We are at the starting line chatting it up.

8:30 am: My sister and I start running. And that was the last I saw of her. Her legs are about twice as fast as mine. But I can safely say, mine are twice as big.

8:35 am: Offspring is pounding in my ear I hit the first hill. Ugh!

9:21 am: I cross the finish line! My time for a 3.32 mile run was 51:50. And I'm very proud of that big number.

Monday Morning
7:30 am: Ignore both alarms.

7:45 am: Continue to ignore both alarms.

8:00 am: Drag my pathetic behind out of bed and get my girls ready for school.

8:30 am: Drop the girls off at school and start the laundry. Now my room is a mess about 95% of the time. It's the size of a walk in closet at my sister's home. However since I moved back in with my parents, all of my normal household things that would normally go in other rooms, go into my little roomcloset under the stairs. And in my laundry gathering I cam across a discarded pair of jeans I have had for about a year but could never wear because of my thunder thighs. The last time I tried them on (about a month and a half ago) I couldn't even get them up my thighs.

10:30 am: I get the nerve to try them on. And to my delightful surprise, I can get them up my thighs. . . and then over my fanny. . . and then even zip them closed. . . and the belt gets fastened. They are a perfect fit!! They fit as if God made them himself just for me!

11:10 am: I find myself not wanting to take them off. And consequently blogging about them.

Now, for those who really know me, they will testify that I am far from patient. In fact I am down right hasty. So when I had a friend advice me on how to eat and exercise, I didn't like the idea. I wanted a miracle shot to slim me down. ( I still want a boob lift and cankle surgery but that's a discussion for another time. ) I actually wanted to stay the same and have men love me for the way I was. But we all know men are visual, and I was a feast worth passing by. So I suffered for a month on my diet until it became habit. Then I suffered for months with my exercise until now it's a desire I have become addicted to. And now because of my trial of patience I have found a newer me. One in a smaller pair of blue jeans.

I will be the first to complain about how much life sucks. And I will be the first to whine when things aren't done fast enough. My Lord knows this about me. I think he even chuckles to himself every time I have one of my melodramatic melt downs. So when moments like my blue jeans come around I have to stop and remind myself that everything is a life long journey. And even my weight is a blessing given to me. It is something I am blessed to overcome. And today I overcame 1 SOLID pant size.

Now to go and buy some new jeans I can't fit into to do the process all over again.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Love Can Build a Bridge. . .

This post is directed towards, Pencil Skirt Bound.

So it's been about a month since my "Hurt" posting. And one of you asked about what I ended up doing. Well this is what happened.

I became a better friend to him.

This is how my mind worked: A while ago, in the same group of funny people, I found myself feeling like a girl in the group didn't like me. And not just didn't like me, but looking down upon me for my sense of humor. Well I stewed over it for weeks. Asking people if she gave them the same vibe, or their opinions on what options I had to relieve this new found stress. Nothing helped. And I continued to feel like I needed to censor my humor and guard what I said around her. Until one day, I was venting to my mother and she said, "What if she's intimidated by you?" It was like a light went on in my selfish brain. Here I had been thinking probably the worst of this person instead of taking the more Christlike road and looking for the better part. Needless to say at that point I felt awful. So then I began to take steps to make her a close friend of mine. It was awkward at first because there was no visible bridge in common between us, but I searched and searched. Until one day I found myself having something I hadn't really had since High School. And that was a Girlfriend. A real, go out to lunch, giggle and laugh, chat about boys, girlfriend. Now I have no idea what was the real source of tension between us at the beginning. But all I can say is, I am so glad that my Mom knocked a bit of Jesus into my heart.

Now I'm sure you smart readers can see where I'm going with this and how it pertains to my friends that "Hurt" me. Well one being an ex, I've told him straight out what happened and why I was so hurt. I trusted him to be that honest with him. But the other perpetrator and I had no such relationship. So I decided to make him a better friend. Now it did seem like each week that I worked with this individual, he did say things to me that stung pretty deep. But I kept it up, and tried to remember that he did not intend on insulting me. It's just his way of expressing himself, and my way of understanding it. And eventually things seemed to lighten up, and I began to toughen up. Until one late night, we had a deep conversation. One that I would only say could happen between two close friends. Now things aren't perfect. But who has a relationship that is?? I'm just really happy that I found a way to mend a bridge without tearing down any others. I'd rather be someone's support than someone's space they end up falling to their demise in. (A bit dramatic, I know. But hey, I am.)

So I'm so thankful for bridges I never knew could exist. And thankful for the strength I get from my true support and foundation. Sometimes when something strikes you pretty deep, it's because a new foundation is being placed there.