I'd like to paint you a picture, if you will:
It's Sunday, and church is the norm. You get yourself respectfully dressed and walk the block to church on a beautifully cool summer day. You step into the chapel expecting to become edified and are taken back by the most beautiful improvisational piano prelude music. You have never experienced such music in church before. The melismas and melodic depth transforms the most simple hymn into a work of moving art. Tears were brought to your eyes until your ears become clouded. The grey, dark cloud of adult conversation billow over the pews and begin to drown you in gossip, cackles and unnecessary noise until the view of the colorful melody being performed from the stand disappear from sight. This was my Sunday.
A gentleman with exquisite talent was filling in for our regular organist and I do wish he would more often. It was simply beautiful! An experience rarely seen and from my point of view deeply appreciated. Unfortunately, it was literally drowned out by the noise a majority of the congregation was making. I wanted to go to the pulpit and ask them to be reverent and listen to the music being played, but the meeting started too soon for me to no doubt stand on my soap box and offend many. So instead, I will stand on my soap box here. I am ashamed of my ward.
I am ashamed of my ward to the point where I do not enjoy attending church. Ironically, as I was sitting there with tears in my eyes and my thoughts reeling with frustration for the noise that continued through the meeting and distracting many from the messages of the best talks I had heard in a while, one gentleman spoke about the importance of the church. (Again, I am LDS.) I loved what he said as a point to his talk. He said that he does not come to church to have friends, but that he comes to church to be edified, taught and strengthen his own testimony. His words prompted a thought in my own mind. Is church really that important anymore?
I look at the many people in my ward, and other wards, who only come to get their bills paid, or attend because their wives make them, or don't care if their kids run wild through the stand, or break out lunch as if it's okay to even eat in the chapel, or carry on a conversation so loud it's completely clear to everyone in attendance, etc. etc. and I think to myself, "Why are you even here?!" I understand that church is for everyone, and one of my favorite quotes is, "If your sacrament meeting doesn't smell like cigarette smoke, you're not doing your job." Which means, it's open to all walks of life and if it's not filled with that, you aren't doing your job as a member missionary. So I am not at all saying that you must be perfect to go to church. I'm also clearly admitting that I've had my days where I check my facebook during a meeting and have dozed off a time or few. What I'm getting at is the noise. My point is the noise. Better yet, my point is the lack of reverence or respect for something so sacred and wonderful as what goes on during a traditional meeting. So if we are loosing that genuine respect and adopting the idea that it's okay to talk, eat, and let your kids be as noisy as they want to be, is church really that important to us?
I think of a certain individual who used to be such a beacon of light at church for me. He was one that I admired so it was such a shock to me that he suddenly stopped going to church stating that he could feel the spirit better at home than at church. I never really understood his statement until today. I really feel that the spirit in my home is stronger than the spirit that was in that meeting. So what do I do about this? I don't want to not go to church and I have faith in my Lord's gospel, I just have found myself in a state where I have no desire to attend church. I still love visiting teaching, FHE, prayer, scriptures, etc. etc. I attend my activities and encourage my girls to go to theirs. My husband and I are planning to be sealed in the temple, I just don't want to go to church because I seem to always come away feeling frustrated. Do any of you feel this way?
I have no idea what to do. I am lost. I know the primary answer would be to understand that we are all human and that no one is perfect, but I'm not seeking perfection. Am I? Is the expectation of a reverent sacrament meeting too high? I'm sure I need to take a slice of humble pie and take a positive twist to all of this by diving in and serving so much that by example things may change, but I have no desire to do such things. I just want my desire to attend church to return.
Let me explain my thinking to you. For me, the gospel of Jesus Christ is my religion. I am LDS, but only believe the church to be a tool to guide me in the living of my Lord's gospel. The church is not what is true for me, the Gospel is. I do believe that being LDS is the true path for me to take, but I take it to be a part of the Gospel. Do you see the difference between the two? The Gospel is true. The church supports the Gospel. In my mind they are separate things that need each other to work. Because the Gospel is run by God and his Son Jesus Christ, it is constant and true and what I have for my foundation of faith. Because the church is run by humans and will always have an element of imperfection, my faith is not supported by it only guided by it with my own judgement. I hope you have a clear understanding of how I believe in my religion. (If not, ask away and I will do my best to explain.)
So has my faith in God dwindled? Not at all. Has my desire to bring forth the knowledge the LDS church has to others? Not at all. Do I still wish for others to come closer to God through the church? Yes I do. I just don't feel like attending anymore. It's like I have too much respect for what should go on during church to witness what really does. I really wish I had an answer to this question today. I have about 40 people reading my blog. Would you please give me some advice on this? I love my Lord, I love the LDS church, I just don't like how it's being treated. I hope I have not offended anyone, I am just being honest and sincerely ask for your help on this.
So I ask you, Is church really that important to you anymore?
Just today in church my friend brought a family in the process of taking the missionary discussions. It seemed so much noisier and while I sat there coloring I was just praying that they might be able to still feel something of a nice spirit there through the very nice and appropriate talk.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get to have that organ substitute back again and that maybe it will be a better experience for you. :)
I've been thinking about this exact topic today... I attend a singles ward, and everyone knows the main purpose, though I know some may disagree with me, is to get married. People goof off in Sacrament, have inappropiate conversations, and the "engaged couples" can't wait an hour to make-out... Yes, I've this past month have the same couple, that usually sits near the front, decided that it is a good idea to kiss in Sacrament... I am at the point you are at.. Fed up. I don't really feel the spirit at church anymore... I really am trying and trying to get edified and come to Christ, but I always am feeling like I'm getting hindered by the members in my ward who choose to show disrespect. I took one step in the mingle today and was just so fed up, not wanting to talk to anyone and left. In any case, all I can say to you is just keep pushing forward and pray to have the spirit with you at church. I know that it sucks, it really does... If you have anyone else come up with a better idea, let me know. I love you Heidi. You are a strong woman. :)
ReplyDeleteJustina, you know I find it funny that you speak of the singles ward because when I would attend in recent years, I would weep at the reverence given there. Especially during sacrament. However, I did encounter all of what you touched on. I guess there is really no ward that will be completely respectful because after all, we are human. Trying is all we can do to feel the spirit in church. I love you too!
DeleteI have no idea what you're talking about. ;) j/k.
ReplyDeleteI am of the opinion that church is 80% for socializing/reconnecting (what we should be doing out on the streets during the week), and 20% learning (sharing of opinions/knowledge 70% of which are opinions, and 30% is knowledge). The home/library/car/temple, on the other hand, are for serious worship and thinking. Or better put, sifting out the crap you heard on Sunday. ;) Good luck doing that with children.
That said, I'm ok with the noise and such. And I'm just grateful for the little nuggets of goodness I get, every so often, from speakers and teachers...when I actually go.
Josh I am curious, how does one become "ok" with the noise? How do you see past it? I think that's what I am really struggling with, the lack of that ability.
DeleteI don't attend church anymore. Sometimes I curse like a sailor. I have a tattoo, and I enjoy an occasional beer. Does that make me a bad person? Certainly not. Does God love me any less? Definitely not. I stopped going to church because of the judgmental eyes. We're taught not to judge, yet every time I went to church, I could see the stares and hear the whispers. It became gossip central. I know that people aren't perfect. I am no exception. I still love God, and I'm reading the Book of Mormon. I need to know, without leaning on others' testimonies, that what I feel is real. I completely understand where you're coming from. The pure doctrine is what is most important, not the organized religion. I honestly don't think that God will hold it against you if you don't attend meetings every Sunday. As long as you're continuing to be the best person that you can be, and you do what you need to do in order to feel the spirit, I think you're doing pretty well considering some of the reasons that you mentioned for people to come to church now. So, I guess what I'm getting at is this; church is not important to me anymore. My relationships with God and my Savior, Jesus Christ, are important. I believe in the power of prayer and the miracle of forgiveness. I also believe that I don't need other (imperfect) people telling me how I should be living my life. I will do my best, and let everyone else do theirs.
ReplyDeleteCherish, I agree with you. God Loves you no matter what we do. I sometimes think we don't give him enough credit for his ability to love us. I must be severely flawed because even though I rarely tell others I don't agree with what they do during church I most definitely feel it. I'm very open to others and their own choices in life, but perhaps not as open as I think I am.
DeleteI have felt the same way many times. Right now is really frustrating for me. My ward is quiet compared to some I've been in. However, my last ward was a lot quieter than my current ward, and we had a lot more young children in that ward. I've decided it is the adults. Sometimes I wonder if it is the way they were raised, or if they have become disrespectful and irreverent over time. My son is ALL boy, and VERY active. Sacrament meeting is very frustrating for me. I have a hard time concentrating because he is wanting to be all over the place and noise. He is young and attention span is next to none still. I try all I can do to help keep his attention quietly on something and still be able to enjoy the meeting myself. Some days, this is next to impossible. I have had some people tell me to don't worry about it, he is young, he'll learn eventually. And that everybody else has been there, they understand and it doesn't bother them. This response drive me nuts! How are they supposed to learn to be reverent and to have patience and listen if not taught? And how do I go about that? I don't know. Makes me wonder if why some people are irreverent because they were raised like that. Allowed to just be noisy and run wild. I don't want my son to be that way. I really wish the adults would set an example. All I can do is set the example for him myself and hope that others can do the same. I still go, even when so frustrated and think I can feel and learn better on my own. It is important to me and I know that even if I feel like I am not getting anything out of it, I will be blessed for going. Even if I only hear just one sentence of a talk, I know that I am still learning. But I hear you, it is very frustrating and makes you wonder why you even bother sometimes. You are an amazing woman Heidi. I admire you. Seeing what you have been through and the way you have come through it all give me hope and strength to push forward. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteOh Angie! How we walk the same paths. You are doing wonderfully and I agree with you. I don't think it is something that they grow out of, but that learning to be reverent is just that-something taught and received.
DeleteThis is one of my biggest peeves. I am pretty willing to put up with a certain amount of residual noise-it comes with being in a family ward. However, the adults should NOT be the ones contributing to the problem. I've noticed it's gotten exponentially worse over the last ten years or so-a always remember the chapel being pretty reverent growing up.
ReplyDeleteI was taught that sacrament meeting was not the place to socialize, and the chapel is an extension of the temple and therefore you behave in the chapel as you would in the temple.
I will always be grateful for the Bishopric in the student ward I attended a few years ago that would remind the congregation where we were when they got too loud. If only every Bishopric was like that...heaven knows some people need the reminder-sad as it is.
I so agree with you. I'm not sure everyone got the notion that it's the adult noise that frustrates me. However, I'm just glad people are talking about it.
DeleteI started skipping Sacrament Meeting and just showing up for classes because as a single mother with 3 small children, it felt like such a waste of time for me to be there. I felt like I was being distruptive trying to keep them all contained and occupied with no help from anyone else and that it was pointless for me to be there because I was trying so hard to keep them quiet, that I couldn't hear half of what was said by the speakers anyway.
ReplyDeleteMy bishop called me in and asked me why I wasn't attending Sacrament Meeting. I told him my reasons for not doing so and he said that I should be there anyway. Heavenly Father has asked us to go because it is important to his plan. It is also a way for us to give back to Him. He asks so little of each one of us, yet he gives us so much! My bishop told me that I would be blessed for attending all of my church meetings and he encouraged me to make it to each and every Sacrament Meeting that I could be in.
I am grateful for his advice. It is not always easy, sometimes I still have to take my children out in the foyer and stick a nose in the corner, but I have felt blessed for my efforts.
I too am bothered by the noise that others make, but I try my best to teach my children to not be like that. I have the absolute hardest time when I tell my children not to talk during the sacrament, and it seems everyone else around us is talking. One time, we were in the foyer (because we arrived at church late) and my kids were waiting reverently for the sacrament to be passed. We were sitting on the couch next to another member and he pulled out his ipad and offered it to my kids to play World of Warcraft during the Sacrament! I was Sooooo Irritated!! I politely asked him to put it away and explained that we do not play games at church because we are here to feel the Spirit and to honor God. After that experience, I felt like I fled to the chapel and I was so relieved to be in it (noise and all...)
People can be extremely irritating when they do not have the same level of respect and reverence. I do believe that it is worth it to do what our Heavenly Father has asked us to do even if it is hard for us to do so.
We've been feeling the same way since the ward boundary changes. Nate and I just can't seem to feel comfortable in our ward and every Sunday we are amazed at the lack of reverence, the noise, and how many people just go in and out of the chapel over and over throughout the meeting for no real reason. We go because we've promised to attend and to partake the sacrament, but we frequently sit out of
ReplyDeleteSunday school and just find a quiet spot outside to read conference talks, scriptures, or just discuss gospel topics together. I find this to be the most spiritual part of my Sunday.
I agree with a previous commenter that said it is the adults who make the difference. Not that Nate and I are perfect parents, but we've taught our kids to sit reverently during sacrament meeting. I'm always so proud of how they will sit quietly with their arms folded for the majority of the meeting. They're still quite young, so occasionally the coloring page comes out, but they do such a great job and understand why we are there. It's frustrating to look at others letting their kids run wild or not even having the courtesy to take them out of the room when they start throwing a tantrum.
Our bishop gave an entire lesson to the adults on the 5th Sunday rebuking their less than stellar reverence and urging them to do better. It doesn't seem to have done any good.
All we can do is set the example and then seek other ways to experience the Spirit and become more enlightened. Sadly, church often doesn't meet those needs for us anymore either. Good luck!
Ashley, how am I not suprised we are doing the same things on Sunday. My Nathan and I most of the time sit in the car and talk about what happened in the previous meeting just so we can find peace in the day. I was thinking of writing my bishop a letter to do the same thing on a 5th Sunday, I believe I still will, I just worry now it will be in vain and my hopes of a peaceful Sunday are futile.
DeleteI am gojng to comment again and be blunt, but know that I am saying this with so much love and respect for you and your readers. If Heavenly Father didn't think we needed weekly church meetings anymore he would discontinue them. It is prideful and dangerous to our eternal souls to think we are the exception. It is a trial of our faith most assuredly. Honestly, there have been many Sundays I would've NOT gone to church if I didn't think my children need any shred of heaven they can get in this life. I went for them and I am ending up benefiting spiritually for it too. I still struggle every Sunday but it will be worth it. Also, Angie, yes please keep teaching your sweet boy about reverence. That's completely worth it too. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this part of you, Heidi. Love you girl!!
Amy, I'm so glad to know I am not alone when it comes to this struggle. I know when I got divorced I had the hardest time going but did solely because I knew my girls needed to go. And I'm really glad I did.
DeleteYour post actually made me sad.
ReplyDeleteWe weren't at church for the past two weeks because of our vacation, but I know what you mean about the noise. I have leaned over to my mom several times and whispered "it's so loud". There is one family that not only do they let their children speak loudly, that they speak loudly to quite them it drives us nuts and we try to avoid sitting in front or behind him.
Our ward is extremely loud and I've wanted to personally mention it to the bishop, because it is so loud. Maybe this is something you should do as well Heidi. He does need to remind the ward that we are in the chapel and need to be respectful.
On another note; we are asked to attend our meetings by our prophet. Regardless of the noise. What is the main reason we attend church? To take the sacrament. We cannot take the sacrament anywhere else. Elder Perry Said "We cannot return to our Heavenly Father’s presence unless we are clean, and so we must continue to repent. Ideally, we repent moment by moment, but we also attend sacrament meeting each week to partake of the sacrament and renew our baptismal covenants."
This is why we go to sacrament. This is why we go to church.
We are also asked to endure to the end. This would also mean to endure those noisy meetings.
I am with you 100% when you say that it's so loud that you cannot feel the spirit, because our ward is extremely loud, then maybe we need to do something about it to allow the spirit to dwell there more fully. Maybe part of that is talking to the bishop and asking him to say something, maybe the other part is being more vocal to those around us and saying "shhh" to even the adults, maybe it is enduring, maybe it is being the example.
And lastly probably something you do not want to hear and you might hate me for saying this, but regardless of the noise I have never contemplated not attending church because I know it's where I need to be. To not attend church because of the noise is an excuse to pull away from the church. Church is where we learn the gospel, although you say church is not the Gospel it is part of it. We are asked to endure and to attend regardless of the situation. I was just on vacation and we attended church in Maui. There was a gentleman who walked over 15 miles to get to a point where he could meet a member to drive him the rest of the way to church. His excuse on having to walk to church didn't stop him from going, because that is just an excuse and the excuse isn't good enough. The excuse "it's just too noisy" I don't think holds much water to the Lord, when we have been asked to attend our meetings. This is where we must endure to the end regardless of the frustration and the bitterness we may feel towards our loud members and irreverent members of our ward. I know you now probably now hate me.
I encourage you to keep on pushing on. Satan would want you to see the noise as a reason not to attend, and it sounds like he might be winning that argument.
Oh Kandis, I don't hate you. I agree with you. I still attend my sacrament meeting, I've just lost the desire to go. I don't want it to be an excuse, that's why I wrote this blog. I feel like I'm starving for spiritual experiences and seek them at church but only come away frustrated. I also think of the Lord chastizing the temple, and that I invisioned hime attending our ward on Sunday and him doing the same to us for the way the meeting is treated. I appreciate your response, and I am doing my best to endure.
DeleteI know exactly what you're talking about, but I haven't quite figured it out myself. I go through phases of being more or less bothered by habits of members of the church and experiences I have there. The best way for me to get over them is to ignore them; I don't know that God is fond of excuses. I try not to give other people power over me.
ReplyDeleteFaith, I do know that ignoring the things that bother me is what I need to do and that I shouldn't let others control my attitude, but I do feel robbed of the spirit sometimes and in that case, it is not anything I can really control. Is it?
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