Saturday, June 9, 2012

Big Girl You Are Beautiful. . . .

So I find myself, like many other women today, on Pinterest. And for those who don't know about it, it's pronounced puh-interest or pin-terest. It's and pin board about things you are interested in. Just another fanatic craze much like facebook. In fact you can even link the two together. The idea is to create a virtual pin board of things you want to do, make, create, remember, admire, talk about, etc. It has been proven very useful for me. It's almost like it's own mini search engine for recipes, crafts, sayings, etc. and gives you their links to blogs, web pages and etsy shops. This is not a private site and anything you post can be seen by the public, including your profile. Now as another day goes by and I keep repinning idea after idea to my boards, I realize something, 90% (and this is my mathmatically limited brain's guesstimation) of the pins I see are either of desserts or rock hard female bodies. It's like the idiots guide to being an oxymoron. So then, I ran across this saying from Adele: "I love food and hate exercise. I don't have time to work out. . . . I don't want to be on the cover of Playboy or Vogue. I want to be on the cover of Rolling Stone or Q. I'm not a trend-setter. . . . I'm a singer. . . . I'd rather weigh a ton and make an amazing album than look like Nicole Richi and do a shit album. My aim in life is to never be skinny." *If you didn't notice, I did correct the grammar. I so loved this quote that I instantly repinned it and then immediately began this blog. So this is the question I ask you, Can you make your dessert and eat it too?

I am an emotional eater. There are many days when I go out on a date with the hubby that I realize I don't know what to do that doesn't involve eating. There's a movie (popcorn and a drink), bowling (cheese fries and a soda), mall (food court lemonade), etc. etc. When I think of going out, I think of dinner somewhere. Food literally runs my life. Whether it's the indulgence of such or the avoidance of it, it fills my day. Now a year ago I weighed in at about 210 lbs. I was training for a half marathon until I injured my foot and had to stop running all together. I still worked out pretty heavily at the gym and was on my way to changing myself for the better. But, like everyone's life, it got stressful. I packed on 20 lbs by Christmas and if you read my last blog, I have packed on another 20 lbs since Feb. So now I am back to my heaviest weight of 250 lbs. None of my clothes fit (because I gave away all of my larger sizes when I dropped the weight) and my self esteem is plummeting much like my belly as it hits the bed when I lay on my side. I remember around October saying to myself, "I'm sick of depriving myself of anything good. If I want a chocolate donut, I'm going to have a chocolate donut." And I did. Almost every day along side my Diet Coke. I'm not shocked that I gained all my weight back, I'm just sad I did.

So here I am, feeling fat, staring at recipes for cheesecake and asses that you could bounce a quarter off of and I can only blame myself for the size of my ass and let my tummy growl at the sight of strawberries and whipped cream and then cry at my wedding pictures where I clearly look pregnant even though I am not. This is not how I am suppose to be. I am suppose to be like Adele, gorgeous, sexy, a red head with the voice, curves and big boobs, and even that seductive British accent where I can get away with saying fink instead of think. But I'm not. I guess my answer is, this: Yes, you can make your dessert and eat it too, but you can't eat your dessert and have a killer ass.

I am like Adele in one manner, I don't want to be skinny. I want to be less jiggly, but not skinny. If I didn't have my boobs I'd probably cry, even if there are countless reasons why I'd be happy to not have them. I had come to the conclusion countless years ago that I would never be skinny. My bone structure and genetic hand-me-down attributes will forever prohibit me from being such. And I'm okay with that. I'm happy to be a curvy girl and be a size 16. My really happy size would be a 12, I don't imagine myself any smaller than that because I really don't want to be. I love that my ass looks like an upside down heart and that my boobs hang that way as well and rest in the crook of my neck. I love the s-curve my figure makes and know I would never be happy with my hips being as small as my waist. I do think that being a size 16 requires you to be healthy too, so don't think I'm advocating sitting on the couch. I am simply saying, no, you cannot make your dessert and eat it too if you want to be like the asses on pinterest. But if you want to be happy and eating your dessert makes you happy, and you're okay with what it does to you, then by all means eat it!

I believe we are all creatures of evolution. We always grow, change, revert back and even idle in stages of life. So what, I gained 40 lbs in a year. Did I feel good when I ate those donuts? Yes. Do I need to eat those donuts now? No. Am I gorgeous no matter what I eat? Yes. Am I capable of changing? Yes. Am I ever going to repin an ass from pinterest? No. Should I pin my own? Maybe.

I hope you walk away from this blog thinking. I hope you start thinking about the things in your life you love, you want, you have and begin "pinning" the best parts of you. I feel it to be a challenge to myself to each day, "pin" a new favorite part about me that will inspire others to "repin" it and inspire themselves. I will forever love the combination of Diet Coke and Dunford chocolate donuts in my mouth. I forever love the feeling of cool shower after a hard workout. I will forever love who I am regardless of what size I am.

If you would, please "pin" in my comment box, your favorite part about yourself, physical or otherwise and let's get the conversation going.

So I ask you, Have you inspired someone today?


  1. I totally needed this today, Heidi! I love having a friend like you to remind me of what I like about myself. Thank you.

  2. I hate my boobs. You know that. I do happen to love my face. It's not drop dead gorgeous, but it is pretty to look at-especially when I smile and my eyes light up.

  3. I have always thought you were beautiful, Heidi. I didn't even notice that you had gained back everything you lost, because you are always gorgeous to me!

    My favorite part of myself are my eyes.