Sunday, November 21, 2010

Broken Hearts Like Mine. . . .

It snowed this morning. It snowed almost twelve inches of that heavy, wet, gorgeous, stick to everything snow. It took down tree limbs and power lines and I awoke to a cold, dark room. After a lovely powerless, dark, yet uplifting church meeting, I snuggled up in a few layers and put on one of my favorite Christmas CD's in honor of my old friend winter. This particular CD, Sara Mclachlin's Wintersong, struck up a conversation with my mother on how some songs are timeless and some are tender but not all songs are made for listening only at Christmas time. Two of those songs are my all time favorites, River by Joni Mitchell and In the Bleak Midwinter with original poem by English poet, Christina Rossetti . I listen to these and many other songs, all year long because they bring a sense of tenderness and reflection that should be visited at more times than just Christmas.

I said to my mother, "These are really good songs, because some people are just not happy at Christmas." Our conversation went into depth on this tangent and got me thinking. There have been many Christmases where I didn't even want to put up the tree because I hated the holiday. And even though I do not find that same distaste for the season this year, I do hate that it's coming for one reason. I am alone. Though I'm not truly alone, I do have God, and My Girls and of course the multitude of loved ones surrounding me. What I do not have, is what I truly desire, a companion to share this all with. And just like we all notice the one dirty spot on our otherwise pristine white shirt, I notice this all too much.

However sad my life may seem to me, especially when I go to many adult only functions alone, I do know that there are many who's aches this time of year are just as real to them. This time of year seems to bring, along with it's twinkle lights and price tags, a longing for better times. Times gone by, times yet to come, and times that seem a world away. I know that I will be happy for Christmas to come one day, and pray for those who feel the same way. But for now I will choke up when my youngest talks about us one day being a whole family. Or when I see young love and older love walking hand in hand. Or when I hold the babies of those I am most envious of.

Most of my blogs lately have been seemingly depressing, even to me. So with this one, I simply felt this was a notion in life, that needed to be said. I don't have a miracle answer to give in reference to the aid needed by those who hurt. I wish I did. I only hope that it gets you thinking. People are sad, people are hurting, people are in need of us standing up for what is right and bringing them the light of Christ. My heart aches, not only for myself, but for the knowledge that there are too many souls out in this world who feel the heaviness of life. Too many who are not recovering. I urge you to contemplate this plight not only at Christmas, but all year long too. Share the love that you feel for this season, with those around you who are weighed down with the dark, wet, heavy, stick to your spirit troubles. Don't let it take them down to a breaking point where there is no warmth and no light. I pray for this, with all of my heart, that we burden one another and share the healing love of Christ.

I hope that you enjoy your winter season and I look forward to the days when we all can sing.

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there, Heidi. The Lord loves you and knows what's in your heart. There will be a day when we can all sing. Do your best, that's all He asks, and unimaginable joy awaits at the end. Hugs.