Thursday, October 21, 2010

. . . .

I am feeling defeated. It's the reason there's no song title on this post. I couldn't think of one. I'm lost, and feeling more like it's a permanent state of being rather than a simple backwards turn on Mapquest. I know that any sort of action I take will be fueled by emotions less flattering than my true self, so I chose to practice my "patience". But what am I waiting for? I have no clue. I think I'm waiting for someone to love me. Someone more than my kids. But is waiting the answer?
Everything else in my life I attack and accomplish. I feel I lead a truly fulfilling life. That everything I have I have been blessed with and am so grateful for. It's the one thing I lack that I'm having a hard time finding the blessing in. I don't believe I'm being too picky. I simply feel that I have been given a second chance at this and I'm not going to screw it up. There are worse things than being single. However, it doesn't discredit the pain I feel for being such. I'm not desperate, or in a hurry, or panicked, or anything like that. (At least I don't think so.) I am smart, intelligent, pretty, stylish, compassionate, supportive, loving, funny, sweet, gentle, blunt, curvy, full of energy, thoughtful, and feeling a real need to share all of this and more with someone else.


  1. I love you! Which doesn't help since I'm missing certain important anatomical features, etc., BUT...ya know...
    The hard thing for me was when I did find someone to spend all of my days with and who loved me unconditionally and was most of the things I always thought I wanted, it still wasn't right.
    I'm with you - all aboard the patience train...we don't know whether that ride will be long or short, but we are riding just the same...

  2. You know Larissa, in the past year and a half I have had four men want to marry me. (One actually wanted to impregnate me so he had a real reason to marry me so quickly. He asked constantly. I loved him because he was so wildly attracted to me. I sometimes still miss the way he kissed me. But he's a whole other blog, *whew is it hot in here?*) I walked away from them all because something just wasn't right. Some of them I could definitely put my finger on what it was, others are still a mystery. That being said, I still don't think I've missed my stop on this love train. There are times I get claustrophobic and panic in search of a stiff drink (Diet Coke), but I eventually find my seat again and count all the men/stops I pass by. ~Insert Indian Jones reference: "No ticket!"