I've Loved These Days. . . .

Have you ever had something bother you? Have it bother you so much that you can't stop thinking about it? Then you soon find yourself tensing up because it upsets you so much that all you want to do is. . . is. . . something! Because you are so angry! I have a cure for that.

I have a friend who has become part of my heart. Her and I talk all the time. Her wisdom has sculpted my spirit into something I deem to be better than it ever was. Each month I basically have new challenges set before me. Challenges that are just that, challenging. Some of them are very difficult for me to master, but I try because I see how much better a person I can be because of them. My most recent challenge, was to be positive. No matter what. -A little back story on me: I am a Pessimist, a Perfectionist, a Co-Dependant Being, I am a performer always looking to be better at her craft, I set up a blog for crying out loud, asking people to critique me and tell me what I am doing wrong. So being Positive, does not come naturally. However I do feel I can take my training wheels off at this point, I've been practicing and consciously correcting myself when I start to fall into my negative patterns. I do have a long ways to go before I can BMX my way through life, but I'm at least balancing on two wheels.

I used to be, and can still tend to be, one who holds on to something emotional. I find it oddly comforting to dwell in the negative world. Feels like comfort to me because of the lack of expectation. (Expectation is another whole blog in and of itself! Perhaps another time.) But when I see it in other people, it forces me to check my dirty hands and wonder, "Is that what I look and sound like?"

Being negative is what comes naturally because we are in a natural state. We are the natural man. However, I don't plan on staying here for long. My goals are to move onward and literally upward. And being positive, is an upward motion. Being positive is of God. Now I can go on forever about how, to me, God is love. God is nothing else. God is not negative in any way. Everything he does is of love. Even when it seems He is punishing us, He is in fact loving us and creating a way for us to return to Him. So if He is who we aspire to be, don't you think being positive is the way to go?

I recently experienced, what I imaginatively viewed to be a train wreck. Words and negative emotions overcame a situation that I viewed to be under control and ended up hurting feelings, and possibly damaging bridges. I will take responsibility in that I didn't get the correct information out in time. But that being granted, the situation still spun out of control and I found myself ready to explode! I had to stop and internalize the situation before I proceeded. A few negatively laced texts slipped out before my grip was successfully tightened and for that I am sorry. The long run has yet to appear, but I do hope it will turn out to have a positive ending.

Being positive is hard. I will be the first to admit that. But being positive is the best way to go. Since my challenge of being positive, I have numerously stopped myself after blowing my negative horn and apologizing to the offended. However, there has been many times where another blows their negative horn at me, and I patiently wait for them to finish but instead of blowing mine back. I would instate the old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." And WOW! what a difference it has made in my life.

I hope this doesn't come off as me standing on my soap box, but more like I have a companion at my side and we are knocking on your door with a message. The message is this: Be Positive! It will take you far, make your hind sight a comforting one seeing that you didn't do or say something you could regret, draw people towards you because of the positive energy oozing out your pores, and lower your stress level tremendously. I don't have all the answers, nor claim to. I just love the idea of no one getting to me. I love the idea of having a level head and a loving heart and wanted to share that feeling with you. I will never be a 100% positive person. But I will try.

So I ask you this, Have you been positive today?